Since my paths are blocked by a rock and a slenderman, I decide to revisit all the old areas in semi-speed run mode to see if I missed anything that can help me get past them. Turns out, I missed quite a bit! While re-exploring Firelink Tower I am trapped by a familiar bald guy: Patches! Guess he survived our previous encounter after all. His motto of robbing my corpse "later" hasn't changed, but he doesn't realize I already know another way out. Pity he is gone by the time I get back to where he was.
I'm also surprised to find Ser Chubby down a well at the Cathedral of the Deep. Someone has apparently stolen his armor, and I have a pretty good idea who. While there I also burn a bunch of maggot men in a moat and find a way to a higher level of the Cathedral where I slay some evil pallies, poop guys, and find Rosaria the Mother of Rebirth who also happens to lead "the fingers" PvP covenant, which Leonhard wanted me to join. Obviously I decline.
The attack of the turds.
Back at Firelink to level up, I am surprised to find Patches on a higher level peddling his obviously stolen wares - which includes Ser Chubby's armor. He asks for forgiveness for his antics. I say hell no. kill the f*cker and in a moment of epic justice, rob HIS corpse of all his belongings. IT FEELS SO GOOD! I then return Ser Chubby's gear to him and help him out of the well.